Trauma Informed Self Care: Taking Care of You
When you're going through a stressful time, it takes a lot of work to try to “hold it all together”. Working so hard to push your emotions down to get through the day or putting on a good face when it feels like life is falling apart can be exhausting—and you may end up finding it difficult to take care of yourself in the most basic ways. During a crisis, a major life change, or while struggling with your mood and anxiety, taking care of yourself can easily slide to the bottom of your list of priorities.
For many people, the notion of self-care can sound foreign, unnecessary, or even selfish. It can seem easier to keep pushing yourself through, but this can often prolong your problems. Whether you're a postpartum mom swept up in the moment-to-moment care of your family or someone struggling with anxiety or depression, or you’re working to get through a crisis tending to your own emotional and physical well-being can be a daunting, but very important task.
Self-care during crisis or following a trauma isn’t about pampering yourself or indulging in special treats that make you feel good. It’s about finding ways to increase your sense of safety, stability, and that help you stay grounded in the present moment. Good self-care during or after a crisis centers around creating opportunities for you to process your emotions, set boundaries, and engage in healing.
There is a very strong connection between emotional well-being and how you tend to you needs. At the most basic level, self care includes how well you sleep, your diet and exercise, and rest and relaxation. Trauma-informed self-care focuses on helping to manage difficult emotional states, physical distress and problematic ways of thinking. Taking good care of yourself helps build resilience, so that you can weather difficulties, and maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and others. What self-care looks like is different for everyone—ranging from eating well to joining a support group, avoiding alcohol or setting a boundary by saying no. Here are some things to think about:
Self care needs often change when you’re in crisis
Remind yourself, it’s okay to not be okay. Prioritizing your emotional wellness is good self care, and this usually means working through some very uncomfortable feelings.
You’re allowed to feel many emotions at the same time-even when they’re conflicting.
Information is power. Understanding the effects of trauma and how you’ve been impacted can help you regain some control and decide what you need to do to take care of yourself. Symptoms of trauma can be managed and treated, (for example avoidance, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, fight or flight, dissociating). They are not personality traits. You’re not over-reacting, you’re not failing, you’re not a bad person. You’re coping with trauma.
There is no timeline for trauma healing. A trauma response can happen long after the traumatic event has passed, and recent trauma has a way of bringing up old trauma.
Keep It Simple
Just a small boost can get you moving in a better direction. If you're going through a challenging time, your mental, emotional and physical energy can easily become depleted. Symptoms of depression, anxiety and PTSD can easily interfere with being able to meet the demands of caring for yourself and others. Deciding to make big changes or set ambitious goals for yourself are not likely to be successful-or helpful. But by paying attention to the physical and emotional signals that your body and mind are sending you, you can identify small steps that can help you make a little bit of time and space for yourself. When life feels overwhelming, focusing on the simplest ways of nurturing yourself is more likely help you find relief.
Saying No
Saying no doesn't come easily to everyone. If this is true for you, you may find yourself trying to make sure you don't let anyone down, even when it means sacrificing your own well-being. Asking yourself if you need to start setting limits with certain people, let go of a few commitments or adjust your expectations of yourself is a good place to begin. And if saying no brings up feelings of guilt, self-doubt or anxiety, then this might be a good time to take a look at how this issue is really impacting you. Learning to set boundaries is most likely going to be a work in progress, as you adjust to the ways your needs are changing after a distressing experience or trauma. Figuring out how to communicate boundaries is an important part of trauma recovery, and usually hard to put into action-so go into it with a spirit of experimentation.
Think Beyond Physical Self Care
When you're in the throes of managing stressful life experiences, it can seem difficult to find the time and energy to do even the simplest things that might help you feel better. Depression, anxiety and PTSD commonly lead to difficulties in maintaining important relationships and can make it difficult to meet the day to day demands of life (physically and emotionally). If you having difficulty finding ways to keep yourself connected to the important people in your life and the things are meaningful to you, consider devoting some time to understand what your emotional, social and spiritual needs. Some things to think about:
Reaching out for support (therapist, clergy, support groups or friends/family)- this is often a big step if you’ve come to believe that you shouldn’t need help. Every new parent needs and deserves support, including you.
Leaning on your faith or spiritual beliefs, rituals or small daily practices
Finding healthy distractions, simple diversions that are comforting and calming. Take some time to identify activities that help you feel grounded and supported.
Fresh Air Factor- taking a few moments to be outside, connecting with nature and getting some fresh air is also a simple way to boost your mood (even if you just step outside your front door or take a stroll around the block).
If you’re going through a stressful time and finding it difficult cope on your own, help is available. To learn more about how therapy can help you overcome anxiety, depression and trauma/PTSD, please give me a call at (626) 808-5463 or email me at hollyaevansmft@gmail.com. I look forward to talking to you- Holly
